Monday, April 9, 2007

Chocolate Blaaaaagh

It's the day after Easter. The chocolate eggs that I snatched from my children's Easter baskets are now coursing full power through my bloodstream, making me feel rebellious, out of control and undisciplined. I don't like it when I feel that way, but, I'm telling you that those eggs were just EVERYWHERE yesterday! It's not my fault!

I think I'd like to blame my over-consumption of chocolate on our society in general. Just think about it. we live in a society where chocolate dominates everything--our secret stashes, our cooking, our holidays, our desserts, our gifts, our thoughts--our world. Don't believe it? Take a look at the yearly calendar.

January--I wake up from a sweets-induced coma brought on by months of collecting chocolate for "children's Christmas stockings." How much of it got into the stockings? A significant amount, about as much as got into my mouth as I was "preparing" for Christmas.

February--Valentines's Day's in the middle of this dreary, cold month. Who wouldn't go overboard on those Dove Hearts, hot cocoa, and anything else resembling chocolate? Son's birthday. Gotta invite the family over for goodies.

March--I spend this month getting the excess chocolate out of my system in time for . . .

April--Easter month. Chocolate bunnies, chocolate chicks (found them at Costco, leave it to me to sniff them out) and the worst offender of all--Cadbury mini milk chocolate eggs, the ones with the crunchy outside shell, and dense chocolate inside. Wicked little devils.

May--Toffee Crunch Cake brought to a Memorial Day picnic. Main ingredient: Heath (no, not health) toffee bars.

June--Ok, the stores are not saturated with holiday candy this month, so there may be a brief respite from overeating chocolate. Maybe.

July--Fourth of July and two birthdays. Both girls like homemade chocolate cake. Not a cake mix. The real thing with cocoa powder and chocolate cream frosting. They know what the good stuff is. They've had a superior teacher.

August--Another daughter's birthday on the 7th of this month and the stress of wondering how to pay for everyone's school activities and clothes and supplies, etc., could potentially drive one to OD on those Lindt balls at Borders--four for $1.00.

September--Look at all the stores! They've repackaged all the Halloween candy with these cool new colors. I bet the Snickers and Twix "fun size" would be "fun" to try in this new packaging! I bet they taste different this year. Let's buy some to find out in time for . . . .

October--The most candy-laden month of the year in my opinion. On the 31st my children bring bags of it into my home as I'm trying to unload the bags I bought on the trick or treaters. For some reason we didn't have many last year, and so the excess sat around for a day or to. Just a nibble here, a nibble there. In years past I've told my kids I'd give them $10 if they would throw away their candy. One kid took me up on it one year. Since then, they'd rather have the candy than the $10.

November --Gotta start stashing away candy for "children's Christmas stockings." Wow, look at that deal: Two bags of Hershey kisses for $4.00. And this one: Buy one one pack of those adorable mini-Santas and get another pack free. Can't pass that up. This is the month my husband says, "Why is there chocolate in every drawer in this house?" I reply, "Just getting ready for Christmas, dear!" And then there's . . .

December--Need I say more? Parties of all kinds, chocolate confections of all kinds, Aunt Charlotte's butter cream double-dipped mints, the kind my cousin and I hunted high and low for at Grandma's house. Yep, I'm doomed. I work myself into a chocolate coma, only to be greeted--Happy New Year--it's . . . .

January Time to diet and get into shape and do everything you didn't do last year. Rah, rah, go team!!! Let's see, what country in the world has never heard of chocolate? Let's go there. Let's stay there.

At least for one chocolate year cycle.

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